Calm inside – my „wrong“ meditation practice

Calm inside – my „wrong“ meditation practice

If you’re in a room with me for more than a few minutes, you will realize pretty quickly … I’m not a calm person.
For much of my life, I’ve tried to change that. I attempted to change who I am or at least how I appear. To no avail. Even if/when I tried to appear calm on the outside – and for simplicity’s sake let’s assume that it worked (which of course it usually didn’t) – on the inside it was a whole different story.

The fact is, I’m simply not a calm person.

Just like I don’t have black hair or blue eyes. That’s it.

wrong meditation practice calm inside

Mixed media art “Loved & enough” – available in my etsy-shop SOLD

By now I’m trying to accept and embrace it. I mean after all, what would happen if all people on this earth would be calm by nature?! It sure would be boring as hell.
Also, think about the effect it has to constantly try to be someone, who you’re simply not. Let’s just say, it’s frustrating, at least.
(That is a big understatement, of course.) And by now I’m feeling like – I’m too old for this shit. I am who I am.

Of course, it’s not always this easy. As a bubbly energetic person, you don’t only get nice feedback. (I guess for a super-calm person it’s similar. I wonder why it is, that people can’t be accepted as who they are?) So embracing myself, it’s not something that I just decided and did. It’s a way I started walking on … and I’m still working on it …

wrong meditation practice calm inside

Mixed media art “Loved & enough” – available in my etsy-shop SOLD

The thing with being „not calm“ – for lack of a better word – is, that it’s not only the outside that might be hard to handle for some. But my inside also isn’t „calm“. And I have to deal with that, whether I like it or not. I can’t just walk away from myself and from my thoughts. Believe me, I have tried.

All my life my thoughts have always been bubbling …

My head is always spinning. My mind never shuts up …
I thought that’s normal. That’s how everyone lives. I’m just now starting to realize, that not everyone experiences life this way.

The way my brain works makes it easy for me to have ideas. It has always been something that I’m good at. I can come up with new ideas in no time. Often, ideas just pop into my head throughout the day, without me even trying. I could fill notebooks with them. Actually, I HAVE filled notebooks with them. I love how my brain works like that. It’s amazing.

But of course, it also has downsides. For years I thought it was completely normal to go to bed and lay awake for a few hours before finally falling asleep. I have done that since I can remember. As a child, a teen, during my university studies, during my first years of being employed … Sleep was always a big struggle for me. I only realized that my experience actually isn’t normal at all, when I somehow ended up with a leaflet about sleep disorders in my hand by chance in the waiting room of a doctor’s office. I still remember the moment that I read through it and realized. It was a bit of a shock.

wrong meditation practice calm inside

Mixed media art “I am enough” – available in my etsy-shop SOLD

Another downside, I have never been good at taking breaks.

I don’t know how to “do nothing”.

Just sitting down and enjoying time … I literally have no idea how to do it. I always did something. For most of my life, I actually did several things at once, like knitting while watching a movie, painting while listening to audiobooks, and doing housework while learning something new with a podcast … I was always striving for „efficiency“, not realizing that the fact that I actually couldn’t do „nothing“ was a bit odd.
The thing is, I actually got along like that fine for quite some time. Especially during university studies, I felt I was thriving. I could work the way I wanted to and I managed quite well, I thought.

It kinda started falling apart when I had kids. (Not wanting to blame my kids at all – I love them and they are the best thing that ever happened to me!) Suddenly there were demands that I could not schedule the way that they fit in for me. And especially sleep got so much worse. That’s when I came across meditation. Again.

wrong meditation practice calm inside

Mixed media art “I am enough” – available in my etsy-shop SOLD

I actually had come across meditation before, but the idea of „thinking about nothing“ … just sounded nuts to me. How on earth should I do that? I do remember trying it a few times – failing of course. The whole concept was completely insane to me and I could not imagine how any human being could think of nothing for more than a second!
So I decided that meditation clearly was not for me. It was just too frustrating and I felt even more like a failure than before trying it!

When I had kids and the sleeping problems had increased even more I somehow found an audio meditation for moms. I was so desperate, that I tried it.

It was a guided meditation, that was just 3 minutes long.

A lovely voice talked me through it. And I was shocked to feel how it worked. I could literally feel my body relax! Do you know that odd feeling when your intestines somehow relax for the first time that day and you hadn’t even realized that you’re completely tense all the time?
I actually did relax while listening to it! I could feel my body reacting to it! It was amazing!

After that, I listened to this one meditation every day for weeks and it helped me to relax. Then I tried other guided meditations … and they worked, too. Some were better than others. But I realized, that even though I could not meditate by myself – when I had a voice to listen to and focus on, it did help me to relax immensely.

I started to listen to guided meditations every evening before going to sleep. And after a while for the first time in my life, I actually had a „normal“ sleep. I would go to bed, listen to the meditation, and fall asleep listening to it and – a totally crazy thing – would sleep through much better than before! Before I used to wake up so many times at night, even though there was no apparent reason for it.

I can say, that meditation completely changed my life!

wrong meditation practice calm inside

Mixed media art “I am loved” – available in my etsy-shop SOLD

To this day I have this ritual of listening to a meditation before sleeping. Sometimes, I fall off this habit and stop doing it … The thing that I have noticed though is, that even if I can fall asleep easily without the meditation, I still usually sleep much better through the night if I listen to it, compared to if I don’t. So, eventually, I always get back to the habit again when I realize I’m not sleeping as well as I’d like to.

I also got into the habit of listening to a guided meditation throughout the day. Sometimes I do it in the morning after waking up, sometimes during my lunch break. It helps me to calm down, to get my body back into a relaxed mode, at least for a bit. Somehow I usually don’t realize how tense I am. Even if I lay down and try to relax … my body is still tense, and my mind races … I don’t relax just because I don’t do anything or I „have time“. I’m often totally tense, without even realizing it. The guided meditations help me to consciously relax and make such a huge difference in my day and in my body.

wrong meditation practice calm inside

Mixed media art “I am loved” – available in my etsy-shop SOLD

I’ve been listening to guided meditations now for years. At some point, I had this idea in my head that I really should be learning how to „properly“ meditate. I should be able to do it without relying on a „guide“. I should be able to learn to do it by myself …
I tried many times. There are moments after doing some yoga or while sitting next to a river, where I actually can do some meditating without listening to a guided version. But I still can’t do it just by stopping in the middle of my day and sitting down. It just doesn’t work and trying again and again was super frustrating.

At some point, I even had a „friend“ telling me, that I was not doing it right. That what I call „meditating“ actually is not meditating.
(Maybe the fact that he told me that I was wrong, without considering that it actually was helping me, should have been a clue that he wasn’t really what a friend should be.)
It did make me doubt myself at first … but then I thought, does it matter? Does it matter if someone thinks I’m doing it wrong? Does it matter if I actually WAS doing it wrong?

Who am I hurting by meditating my way?

What is the point, of making it hard for myself and trying over and over again something that is not working for me?

(I don’t wanna say that it generally isn’t worth trying hard! I’m all for working on a skill to achieve it if it’s something you enjoy or something you want to master. But frustrate yourself just to fit into a concept that someone else has? Why?)

Why do I have to do it „right“? Or, is there actually a „right way“? Isn’t it enough if it works? Isn’t it ok to do it in whatever way works, as long as there are benefits?

wrong meditation practice calm inside
Mixed media art “I am loved” – available in my etsy-shop SOLD

I kinda decided I was fine with doing it „wrong“.

Actually, I did decide, there is no wrong. It helps me. So I’m using it. Yes, other people do it differently. I don’t mind. I don’t judge. As long as it benefits the individual – isn’t that awesome?!

And if you have tried meditation before and thought it’s not for you – hey, play around!

There are so many different ways to meditate!

If you’re someone like me and the idea of „not doing anything“ makes you break out in sweat due to fear – there are so many other ways to meditate than just by sitting down and thinking nothing! These are just a few ideas:
– guided meditations
– walking meditations
– yoga meditations
– mantra meditations
– body scan mediations
– breathwork
– nature meditations

In my opinion, meditation is a bit like art making – you have to try and see how it feels to find your preferred way!

What is your take on meditation?
Have you tried it?
Has it worked for you?
And if yes, in what way?

Meditating reindeer Christmas cards are here!

Finally they’re here. The new Christmas cards! And this time with a meditating reindeer.

After all, Christmas is not only stressful for us, but for reindeers, too. That’s why they do some yoga and meditation to be able to have a wonderful and relaxed Christmas time.

And if you do feel stressed, too, then just try it! Do a bit of yoga or meditation!
If it helps angels and reindeers, it’s gotta work for you, too. :-)
And afterwards you can finish wrapping the gifts … relaxed …

I’m especially excited that I was able to get the new cards printed on the lovely mother of pearl cardstock I love so much. It has such a gorgeous shine to it!

Unfortunately my photography skills aren’t good enough to show that shine off. :-( But if you have ordered Christmas cards from me before you might be familiar with it’s wonderful look and feel.
(Not all of my Christmas cards are printed on it. Some had to be printed on linen-cardstock as the mother-of-pearl cardstock wasn’t available when I got cards printed last time. So I’m super excited that it is again available now.)

And in case you’re curious how this Christmas cards actually developed … here are some snapshots. :-)

From the first sketch to the “salted reindeer” and to coloring … I had so much fun creating this. I hope you’ll have just as much fun writing and sending them off.

They are available in my etsy-Shop – of course with matching envelopes – either as single cards or in a more afordable set.

And of course the “old” Christmas card designs and Christmas postcards are also available. And if you’re rather stressed about the idea of having to write Christmas cards, why not read my five tipps to make it a calming ritual.

I’m wishing you a wonderful and relaxed first of Advent!

And if you have ideas or suggestionsn for me what kind of Christmas card motives I should create next year – just let me know in the comments! :-)

NEW Folded Christmas cards 2016

Finally the new folded Christmas cards have arrived as well and I quickly put them in the shop. (If you happen to be looking for Christmas postcards, you can find that post HERE.) As the mother-of-pearl cardstock unfortunately wasn’t available anymore I had to choose a new one. The new cards are printed on linen textured white cardstock.

(If you fell love with the mother of perl cardstock that I used last year – there are still a few of those folded cards left, too. You can find the designs when you scroll further down.)

Folded Christmas cards

– printed on 280g linen textured cardboard –

 – gorgeous silver envelope is included –

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Calm Christmas Angel – folded Christmas cards available HERE

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Snowglobe Angel – folded Christmas cards available HERE

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Weihnachtswünsche – folded Christmas cards available HERE

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Calm Christmas – folded Christmas cards available HERE

The cards printed on mother of pearl cardstock still available in the shop are the following:

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Angel hug – folded Christmas cards available HERE

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Christmas hug – folded Christmas cards available HERE

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Calm Christmas – folded Christmas cards available HERE

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ChristmasTREE – folded Christmas cards available HERE

And there is also the mix and match 5-pack of folded Christmas cards – you pick any 5 folded cards for 9.90€!

Just go HERE – and don’t forget to tell me which cards you want during the ordering process. ;-)

Now, do you have any suggestions or ideas for new folded Christmas card designs for next year?

Can’t wait to read your comment! :-)

NEW Christmascard postcards for 2016

NEW Christmascard postcards for 2016

It’s November already. Time seems to fly. It doesn’t feel at all like Christmas to me, but I know that it’ll come quickly – so here are finally the new Christmas postcards for this year.

If you’re more interested in folded cards – you can find some folded cards from last year in the shop. The new ones will be out next week. If you don’t wanna miss it just sign up to my newsletter.

If you have ordered Christmas postcards – or any postcards – from me before – these are different. :-) After having tried different printers I finally gave in and did try out moo.com. I had to let go of the rounded corners that I was rather fond of. But they are printed on thicker cardstock and have an easy-to-write-on back. I figured that’s more important than the rounded corners. Even though they would have been nice. :-)

Christmas postcards

– printed on 330g thick  cardstock –
– matte finish –
– 14,8cm x 10,5cm –
– easy to write on back –

I added two new designs:

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“Calm Christmas Angel” – postcard available HERE

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“Calm Snow Angel” – English version – postcard available HERE

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There is also a German version of this card :-) – just in case you have some German relatives – postcard available HERE

And of course my designs from the last years are also available:

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“Calm Christmas” – postcard available HERE

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“ChristmasTREE” – postcard available HERE

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“Christmas Wishes” – postcard available HERE

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“Weihnachtswünsche” – again a German card – postcard available HERE

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“Christmas Hug” – postcard available HERE

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“Angel Hug” – postcard available HERE

If you can’t decide which postcard to buy – you can buy a pack of 8 and pick your favorites. (And save some money while doing so as well.) You can find the Christmas postcard set, where you can pick 8 cards of your choice HERE.

Just a little warning: I ordered 50 postcards of each design and I won’t be able to reorder this year. So if you really like a card, please order as soon as you can. Once they’re gone – they’re gone.

And again, if you wanna be informed when the new folded cards are in the shop, sign up to my newsletter HERE.

Now I’m curious – which of the postcard designs is your favorite?

Do you love yoga? (Free yoga and new yoga postcards)

Postcard set YOGA-LOVE

To be honest, I don’t remember when I started to do yoga. But I do remember that I was truly blown away when I did some pregnancy yoga with my second child and it felt SO good for my back and my stomach. It was simply awesome. Ever since I did yoga on and off. And over the last years it’s become a regular habit that I treasure. (Yes, I do fall of the yoga-wagon once in a while. I haven’t found a cure for that one yet. But I do always get back to it.)

Even though I do it quite regularly I do feel rather shy telling people about it. Cause in all this time I have only once taken an in-person class. The rest of the time I do yoga with the help of online-videos or DVDs. So, I might think I’m doing yoga, but someone watching me might think I’m doing some weird form of interpretive dance while watching yoga-videos … who knows. ;-) But at some point I figured, you know, as long as it feels good in my body and is good for my soul – why should I care what anyone else thinks!? I love yoga. And that’s why I finally created these YOGA-LOVE postcards and am so excited to share them with you:

Postcard set YOGA-LOVE

And I thought in order to celebrate the launch of my cards and share a bit more of the yoga-love I share with you my fav online yoga resources. So, here are five yoga links I wouldn’t wanna live without:

1 My all-time favorite go-to resource is Erin Motz from the Bad yogiI simply love her free classes. (She has awesome longer paid classes, too, though.) There are certain themes to the classes, so you can easily pick what feels right at the moment. Also the classes are usually about 10 to 20 minutes, so short enough to squeeze them into even the busiest day. My two favorite free classes from her at the moment are “Perfect as I am Flow” und “Yoga for when you feel run down”.

Little extra tip: Starting in October Erin runs her free 30 Day Yoga-Challenge again. This was the challenge that helped me to do yoga regularly in the first place. So if your goal is to do yoga more regularly I recommend signing up. You can thank me later. ;-)

YOGA-LOVE postcard - easy seat/ Schneidersitz

2 I just recently – finally – managed how to do the forearm headstand and I’m super proud. Not because I think it’s so important that you’re able to do that. But I had tried for so long … it was just such a nice feeling to finally figure it out. And I did figure it out with the help of the video “How to do a headstand for beginners” by Adriene. She explains so well how to set it all up – and that made all the difference to me. She has many other yoga-videos, too. So check her out.

3 Doyouyoga.com is a pretty big site with many articles on yoga. When you register you can try out a bunch of free classes.

YOGA-LOVE postcards - tree/ Baum, mixed media art by Ursula Markgraf

4 About a year ago I discovered YIN-Yoga and fell in love. I find it especially wonderful on those days that I just don’t feel like doing regular yoga – or doing anything at all. ;-) It did need a bit of getting used to as it felt kinda weird at first, to not move as much and hold poses quite long. But once that initial awkwardness was over it just felt amazing. I do love doing this: 30 minute yin and meditation class.

5 Once in a while I try some of the videos by Ekhart Yoga. I do like for example this Yoga for digestion.

YOGA-LOVE postcards - dancer/ Tänzer, mixed media art by Ursula Markgraf

I hope I could inspire you to try out some new yoga videos. And if you have a yoga-person in your life you want to send some greetings to or just want a visual reminder on your wall – check out my YOGA-LOVE postcards HERE. They can be framed as a sweet mini-gift as well. ;-)

Do you have any favorite yoga links or resources? Dvds, books, online-shops?

Looking forward to your tips in the comments!

And if you don’t wanna miss anything – new yoga-Christmas cards for example ;-) – then sign up to my free newsletter. :-)